thinking deeply

im feeling quite confused and emotional ~..

a couple of friends i chatted with didnt bother to reply me.
made me feel so leftout and down.
well, i know they have their.. difficulties?

anyway, i haven't been in touch with one of my friend, and im quite sure she doesn't bother to read my blog anymore. maybe my blog is WAYY to lame, yeah i admit its lameee.. she hasn't called me, she hasn't appeared online in MSN, and she didn't even bother to ask me out or JUSTTT as simple as calling me up. i wonder what's playing in her mind. made me feel so.. down, AGAIN..aah.. what can i do la aih..

okay, i love u ppl who continually read my blog for any updates, thanks a bunch!

k byee~

btw, i HOPE i can write a more interesting and not-so-lame blog!

Reminiscence

i was jus thinking back bout my day in cameron highlands, back in march holidays.
i remembered i told my parents i didnt wanna go, because i didnt feel like it.
oh but do i have a choice??? i HAVE to follow nonetheless. so anyway, i got sick on the second day of vacation in cameron, and i went to Tanah Rata to see a doc. then we went to the tea plantation . next we went for lunch in Kg Raja, and there's where the SADD THINGG BEGINSS!

well, i love my pillow very very very much.dont ask me why, but i jus love it! it's like part of my life already, its a baby pillow and i've been using it since i as born.. so im really attached to it. i brought it along, to see doc and everything, and then on the way back to the hotel, i was searching the car to find my lil pillow. when i cant find it, i told my parents.

okay, at first i wasnt really sad, but then later on, i started thinking bout some emo stuffs regarding the pillow, and i starting crying silently. suddenly my mom asked me a few questions bout it eg. where did u lose it, how did it got lost, why and all that, and i started crying loudly and sniffing and all that. it was really pathetic, as far as i can remember, because im crying over a PILLOW and how many ppl actually does THAT? lolzz.. its really funny! but then i was really down at that time, and cried louder as time passes by.

AT LAST!, my mom suggested that we went back to the places to see if we can find my pillow again. i was delighted, but at d same time, i was afraid i'll be disappointed if i cant find it. my dad agreed to turn back and look for it, but he said he wont go to the tea plantation to find, because it's too far away. aih, on the way back, i was .. praying sooo hard that i can find my lil pillow. i even prayed that i dont mind not getting all my A's for PMR, as long as i can get back my lil baby. i also prayed that i dont mind trading in 10 years of my life to get my pillow.. so .. pathetic, now that i think bout it again. well, it's all about love.. i really love it so much!

i found it lying there, and before my father stopped the car, i quickly open the door and it was like, hello??, in the middle of road??!! but i didnt care more or less liao. i just rushed out and picked it up! it was really dirty , i think by the looks of it, it got rolled over a car, but i didnt bother.. i jus took it into the car and dusted it. once i reached back home, i soaked the pillow cover in soap and all that.. im really SOOOO grateful that i found it back man!! that's why im appreciating it more and more nowadays.. love u, baby!! thank GOD for it too!

-yennLing-

sorry for not updating~

anyway, pmr was alright.. i duno how isit, but off courrsee i hope it went well!
today i went to church with zen and chris. it was fun. although i havent mix around yet.. and it's really nice to meet new friends like hannah and jane.. shanice.. chui yeng, and dora.. they're great friends.. nice, friendly, pretty and all the good things.. heheh.. relly glad to know them!

things have been going on quite alright.. except some things lar.. slightly bored already, cause there's nothing else to do now except sleep,eat, go out.. but cant go for outdoor games cause of the baddd hazeee.. it's killing me..

i wanna go to the bazaar ramadhan and go for basketball, but cant find a suitable day to go out with chris. hope we can find that day soon..

oh btw, i managed to find Jacky Wong's website!! and im SUPER DUPER EXTREMELY happy!!!! it's my biggggessstttttttt dream to get his pictures.. and i got hold of some of them.. i love him!! although im aware that he's oni 8 this year, but u've gotta see him for urself! he's SOOOOO fatt fatt and cute~~ .. not that he's FAT lar, but he's relly... chubby and cute lerr.. someone i relly love a lot~

Plus, that day i went for basketball with chris and sui ying.. enjoyable man~.. but cause of that, didnt manage to go for bazaar .. LOL.. teruknyer~

And im missing shu lyn already cause i havent seen her for a long time.. hehehe.. im missing her...

oh yes, ppl. im going for rockclimbing on tuesday, and i hope most of the people i invite can make it for that activity.. this is the first outing I hv planned since the holiday started.. hehehe.

-end-

YES, finnallyyy~

finally i have managed to leave everything behind!
and move forward for better and happier days!
thx to my good friends who cared for me,
shu lyn, liza and christina..
and MORE THANKS TO my "real" friends!
hahahahaah!!
i finally realised,
its time to leave it all behind!
and YES i DID!
heheh..

next.. i wish to dedicate this lil thing to penguin heheh..


Even if the sun refused to shine,
Even if romance ran out of rhyme,
You would still hv my heart until the end of time,
Cause you're all i need.
You've opened my eyes,
And shown me to love unselfishly..

do i actually belong here...?


i know everyone have their hard times,
some unspeakable, unsolvable, unknown.
yes, mine is one of those..
i barely know why i feel down at times,
or what causes me to be like that,
although i crave, CRAVE to know..


i feel very lonely...
nobody understands me!
nobody KNOWS me!
nobody want to care bout me!
nobody treats me as their good friend!
all they know,
is to care bout themselves,
and their other friends..
i just wanna know,
why am i always the one left out!!


i seem happy and jolly.
but have u ever heard of "dont judge a book by its cover"?
i feel like my soul have been ripped apart,
though my life is still whole,
but my feelings tell me,
theres no reason for me
to be here anymore,
cause no one awaits me,
nobody cares bout me..

at most times,
im demanding, im bossy,
im unfriendly, not understanding..
but who's perfect??
everybody has their own weaknesses!
i do understand that i hv more weaknesses than others,
im trying... to change it..
give me more time...
and more space to breath..
cant you??

i duwanna go to school... cause i feel so miserable when im in school.. seeing things that only hurt my eyes... and listening to things that'll only break my heart.. i'm fed up of it.. i've had enough of it already.. i do not want to take it anymore!!!
-------------------------------------------
actually i relly tot u understood me, but no.. its not true..
------------------------------------------

Deep inside your heart and soul
You've worked so hard
To reach your goal
With every step
With every breath
You gave it all
Till there was nothing left
Seek out the strength to win
No thoughts of giving in
Go higher and higher...

d0 we ReaLLy staND aLonE in thiS wORlD?!

Please tell me.. when only will i get you to understand how it feels?? It has been my fault, i didnt tell u that it concerned of u, but it's cause i dont know how to.. i am afraid u will avoid me, if i tell you.. i have given you clues, but u just DONT get it!! but do u relllyy relllyyy know i reaallyyy neeeed somebody to share it with??!!

I have enough of all these, i'm going through too much already. i already have a lot on my plate.. please do not pressure me anymore.. but i relly want u.. i relly wanna be with u oni.. i dont ask for more.. just seeing and talking to u everyday, i already feel happy.. cause its all i ask for, that is i just wanna talk to u.. as a really good friend..

This is only to you.. n nobody knows who are u, except me...


TO CHRISTINA

i know u're going through a lot now,
and although i dun relly know wat isit,
i believe i can feel the pain and pressure,
that u're going through,
remember that i'll always be with you,
although physically, im not there,
but my heart and faith,
is always with you!
And i strongly believe,
that God will be with you everytime,
EVERTIME!!

Be strong, be tough,
you'll get through all these,
with the help of God, your family, and your friends,
when u stand together,
u stand firmly,
against anything that'll come,
that's called LOVE!


from -mE-
= irritatin' gal =